Monday, July 9, 2012

it's been an insane year so far!


hello again, after an even lengthier break this time . . . life has been all consuming here. painting has been put aside while things have been gradually unravelling at home. some hard news: my husband has left. so i am looking for a new place to live and thinking about a new way to live with the kids. i'm still in shock and trying to process what's happened while trying to recover from treatment . . . and there has been the best news all year in amongst the worst: the results of the minor surgery from a few weeks ago are all clear. which in my mind means that everything that has happened treatment-wise has been working and well worth it!

i started this painting a few months ago when we were thinking about buying a house with some friends. looking around at the property market and the realities involved was a bit much. it was going to involve a lot of change and it started me thinking about the ideal home on a basic level. while those house plans are now completely out of the picture, new ones are slowly brewing.

have you ever had a year like this? i kind of want this one over with!
xx

*** update ***
thanks so much for your supportive and lovely comments xx
i got the place i applied for {a first! i've never got the first house/job/thing i've applied for before!} which has a great feel about it. the kids love it too. we are moving on monday so i imagine i will be without internet, other than my phone, for an unknown amount of time. . .  hoping to catch up with everyone as soon as i can.

34 comments:

barbarabeesblog said...

Dear Belinda,
this is awful, how can you stand this? I had shit years myself I can tell, but yours really beats it all. I think it isn't seldom that husbands can't stand severe sickness of their wifes - I heard it before, but still: How can he do that?
I'm happy that you doing better healthwise and maybe some day you'll find out what this all was good for - even if you can't see anything good in it yet.
I wish I would live a little closer, I would come over with fresh baked muffins and we could drink a cup of tee or coffee together and talk about all this.
I'm so sorry for you!
Barbara
P.S. Things will going better soon.

holly aka golly said...

Dearest Belinda: You are a positively wonderful person! Take care of yourself and your children. You have an incredible amount of strength and fortitude and I truly admire you for it. I am so glad there is a glimmer of hope with your latest test results. My thoughts are with you. xo, Holly

Dawn of LaTouchables said...

Dear Belinda--my utmost respect and admiration goes to you and the bravery you show in face of these oh-so-unfair changes.

ellie said...

oh golly oh golly. I'm not quite sure what to say. Nope, I have never had a year like you've had. But my heart goes out to you and to your children. I am so glad to hear that the treatment is going well, and things are looking up.
Here's wishing you good luck with finding a new home for you all to snuggle up in and create good memories to come.
Big warm hugs from here. xxx

june at noon said...

Oh, Belinda. I'm so sorry this year has been so full of yuck for you. I really hope you'll find more blessings along the way. Hang in there!

Kellie said...

Oh Belinda, I don't know what to say either. I'm so sorry but I'm so glad you got good news, too.
Here's to a new and improved next 12 months.

13threads said...

Belinda, I think Dawn said it perfectly...thinking of you x

ziazia said...

belinda, i have no word to make things better, i wish i had a magic wand to ease the situation but i don't, all i can say is that you are in my thoughts.
shitty years happen and they suck!
the very very good news is really good news, it's so good to hear your health is well and that you have your kids with you.
as someone said here in the comments, men sometimes cannot handle sickness or stuff like that and it is no excuse, there is no excuse, ever, but one thought comes back to me in these situations: we are strong women, even when we are fragile & emotional, it contributes to who we are and what we make of things. i home it makes sense, i thought of it in spanish and translation of my thoughts sometimes comes out no so eloquent.

all my love,
vanessa.

Danangib said...

I'm so sorry for what happened, but be brave and think maybe it was for the best.
I had 10 years ago a very bad year similar with yours, and I suffered a lot; unfortunately I don't have kids, but I had a friend's son to take care of and this helped me a lot. I had problems again 2 years ago, but I've found the strenght to fight with this life for the second time.
I'm glad your treatment was succesful, don't allow stress to dominate you, be positive and think to the future; life stops sometimes for a while to allow you to change the direction and to open new opportunities.
Curage, it will be fine.
A big hug xxxx
P.S. Sorry for my miss-spells, I'm not an English speaker.

lamina@do a bit said...

I am SO sorry Belinda... What a horrid, yucky, terrible year! At least you have had some great news in regards to your treatment... hooray... that is wonderfl!!! Stay positive and hopefully the rest of the year will be much better! Thinking of you... ((BIG hugs)) xxx

Christina Lowry said...

Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry. What a shitty time you have been having.

My shittiest year would have been the end of 2006. I had to cut short our overseas travels because I kept getting sick. We had spent two years renovating our first house so we could sell it and travel for 12 months. I came home after six months away and a specialist found a large lump on my ovary and couldn't confirm if it was cancer or not. I went in for surgery not knowing if I was going to have just my ovary removed or a full hysterectomy. I was fortunate enough for it to have been an abscess and just my ovary and Fallopian tube were removed. As soon as I recovered we began trying for a family. We were so excited when we fell pregnant, then devastated when I miscarried. It took me quite a while before I was ready to try again. But good things happen. Now I have Cohen and Emerson.

Hope that goes a small way to making you feel better. Were I to get another tattoo it would say "This too shall pass." xx

Ninotchka said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your hardships. Sending you lots of strength and love as you sail these choppy waters. xo

kaitlyn sullivan said...

Thinking of you and keeping you in my thoughts, so sorry Belinda- keep your head up and stay your strong self xo

jen storer said...

Lordy lord. You poor darling. Everything I want to say sounds trite. Sending you love and positive vibes. Keep your eye on the future, that time when you will look back and feel proud that you made it through. Snuggle your kids often, belinda. Big hugs. xx

elflyn said...

What a shitty time you have been having!!
Sending love and positive vibes for more good news and a lovely fun home for you and your children.
Stay strong! x

Jo said...

So sorry to hear that Belinda. Life really throws us a curved ball sometimes hey, and we end up with emotional and physical scars. I had a terrible year quite a few years ago when my dad died suddenly and when I look back I realize I was in deep shock for quite a while. But somehow slowly my nerves didn't seem quite so raw and I was able to get on with life. Even though I don't know you, you come across as a lovely, caring person and I'm sure good things will come your way again.

nathalie et cetera said...

Dear Belinda. I am so sorry to hear this! I have had some bad years to, even this one is quite hard, but not as bad as what you are experiencing. All I know is that things do get better. One day you wake up and you realize things are not so bad anymore. Hang in there. As you say, at least you got your health back, which at the moment is the most important thing. Think of yourself and take care.

Meeling said...

So sorry. :-( I've been there many, many years back and it's tough - there's not getting around it. But, on the bright side - your kids will be your saving grace. I know mine helped me through even when they didn't know they were. They made me smile and laugh and somehow, life got better day by day & now thankfully things couldn't be better. And your health - YAY for that!! So happy to hear that the test results are good. :-)

Wishing you all the very best in the upcoming months. Here's to a much better 2013!!

Anastasia Egórova said...

BELINDA!
It's such a difficult time for you now!...
But it's so good that treatment worked out well!
I'm with you in my thoughts!
huge hugz
xx

anastasia

Cathy {tinniegirl} said...

Wish I had some words of wisdom to share. Sending you lots of hugs and hope. You've had a hell of a year and I hope that it begins to turn around now. Cxxx

annamaria said...

Oh Belinda, this is such a mixture of bad and good news! I am shocked at your husband's behavior, really, I just don't understand it.Oh, that is so hard. I wish I could come over with huge chocolate cake- on the other hand, your news about the results from the last tests is great. Maybe all this has happened so you can see what is 'real' in your life and worth fighting for and what should be left behind...Take care my sweet friend- My thoughts are with you:)

Francesca said...

man, belinda! i was so happy to see a post come up from you, and eager to hear your news. but i wasn't expecting that. sheesh. i echo annamaria's comment, we are all here with virtual chocolate cake and a brew. that sounds pretty lame i know, but i hope it all works out. great news about the op of course! that's great great news. please keep us posted, and let us know you're ok. hope you have some great girlfriends looking after you. xxx

Aether-art said...

I too was so happy to see a post from you, but then so sorry to hear about very hard news. I wish for you a lightening of your load, I wish for you healing on every level, I wish for you sunshine and happier days. I'm so happy to hear about your positive treatment news, may it be the start of many more positive things ahead. Like others, I'm sending you virtual cups of tea and cake and hugs.

Dana Barbieri said...

Dear Belinda,
I pretty much echo all of the above comments. My heart goes out to you! Keep your chin up. You are a strong woman and you will be made even stronger! Please keep us posted on everything! xoxo

Alisa said...

Oh Belinda, I'm so sorry to hear that things have been that rubbish! My sis is going through the same right now - it's the pits but I think she will be better for it in time. After all this surely you are due a truckload of joy!
Such great news on your treatment, such a relief!
Huge hugs, Alisa x

flowerpress said...

Dear Belinda, I'm so upset to hear all that, its just not fair. But great news that you have a new place, and great that you got clear results. You are a brave, clever and creative person and I hope the Gods start smiling really hard down on you soon :-) Susie x

Frannie said...

So sad to hear about this. Been there, I can relate for sure. I send my best to you and the kiddos.

I am so glad that the results from treatment was a positive note, that is wonderful news for sure.

I wish you well.
frannie

Kylie Hunt said...

OMG BElinda... I can hardly take it all in... I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. I'm sorry I missed this post... was it 2 weeks ago now? Glad that you have found a space that makes you feel happy and very glad at your op results. Take good care hon _ much love. Kylie xxx

mizu designs said...

I'm so behind on reading posts so have just seen this.

My heart goes out to you B!

But as others have said, things will more than likely get better. And that's simply amazing news about your surgery!

Stay strong. Keep breathing.

Tania said...

Lady you are a shining star and everything is all about one bloody step at a time. Thank bloomin' goodness for that first home application step. And so absolutely fabulous to hear the success of the treatment. x

handmade romance said...

oh belinda what an f'n shit year! i can't believe it. reading this post though i felt the positivity and strength in you that is a testament to your character and how much of a wonderful women you are. your children are fortunate to have a parent with these qualities. fantastic news on getting the new place and even better news regarding the treatment/op results. onwards and upwards with fighting spirit! a virtual hug and cheer for you from me xevie

Susannah said...

That is an insane year! I am really sorry to hear that, sending lots of positive vibes your way. Very pleased to hear treatment wise things have been going well.

Keep finding things to smile about
xxx

annie said...

So sorry to hear your news. I've been out of touch dealing with a similar year. My husband hasn't left but sometimes I think it would be easier if he did. I feel more like his duty than his partner some days. Men are not good with illness or damaged goods. Do e mail me as I would love to ask some advice on the whole cancer breast thing. We won't call it a journey, will we? As for making art on chemo... I think there are more fast growing cells than cancer and hair cells in these bodies and mine are art making cells. They are quite dulled at the moment but I hope for their return. I have one chemo to go! That's the first time I've said it because they just unplugged me while I was typing this. Yayayayayay!

Sweet Mess said...

thinking of you during this shifting year. thank you for your bravery sharing this. (((hugs)))

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